T
R 3/13/01
opportunity. This is going to take awhile so grab a cup of coffee. Here is how it all started, no not all the baggage that really started it, (someday maybe I'll talk about that) I mean the straw that broke the camels back.
I got into an argument with my supervisor over a principle issue, legal issue too, but the principle was the stake here. Sometimes you got to stand up and I chose to do just that. So for standing up I was told to leave the job site, and I mean now, I had to hitchhike home that day, 46 years old and I have to hitchhike from my supervisors job of 7, years. Of course it was a "she said, he said" thing and of course the power wins out in the credibility department. Bla bla bla, I found out that the system is corrupt, no, not here and there, it is stone cold not being used for the general public, it is being used for and by whoever is close to the decision making process. No thats not sour grapes, (a little maybe) and maybe its a well known fact for many, but for me I really thought the goal was to follow the law. As I have stated before, right and wrong is not subjective. As I have stated before, I have passed on some bad things but I learn every day and try to make amends, at least that is the goal. I have found the goal out there is to do unto others as it will get or keep you ahead much easier than doing it the honorable way. Honesty may very well be the best policy, but natural selection favors the skillful liar. I didn't coin that, Mary Batten did.
As you can see I am getting off here, this is the same way in which I got to this four year point. So I need to hurry up and get to the creative thing, but first!!!!
You may have kicked my ass in your world, and I may have stretched to the breaking point because all those back pills I was taking from working my back to the breaking point were working on me, but you, you can't break me, I ain't going no where. We will meet up again, most likely it will be my one of my friends, cause your destined to find them. Like the man said I can out truth you, you s can only out lie me. Look me in the eye, ****** ******
Not so fast here, 6/18/01, we had another day in court, and a good day at that! and the BLM samples are in.
Ok, now to the creative part,
While I'm in the process of thinking that the process is going to clear all this up, I got nothing to do but get fat. I start by buying 500 bucks worth of leather and start making stuff. I devise some cool watch bands, some chaps, some vests and a glove that is a wrap and wraps your hand, its definitely unique, building it was a bit like understanding a rubics cube. I ain't running or doing much anything else cause the old back thing is requiring to many of the old back pills, OK maybe a few went for the head, it became a little blurry there. But none the less my back was hurting and needed a rest. Round about Xmas of 97, I look into the mirror and woe I'm large. Always been a bit big, but I be big now. So I decide to go for it by riding a recumbent exercise cycle, this is the third cycle I been through so I’m no novice in riding department, I have 8000 plus miles on this cycle. And I decide to film my progress, you know before and after, just as an incentive thing for myself, and do so with my brand new video cam. I bought the cam to film my progress, whatever. Well I start riding it three times a day for 20 minutes each time, and end up after 30 days to over 2 hours a day. Now I am having fun, and about a week into this as I watch the film I think hey this is cool maybe I can do something here. My wife says I’m too into myself, whatever. I think well I could still be lifting heavy boxes for the man and this is a blast so I go for it.
Oh man, I start compiling the tapes, before I know it I got like 70 hours of tape, all in 30 days. So I start editing out clips from the first 15 days, I keep the "Demo Tape" to about 55 minutes. Now again, between all the fun I’m having riding and making the Demo tape I have to think what am I going to do with it.
This is were the creative part comes in. We all have those creative things in our souls, we are just are too scared to let others see our attempts. We are too afraid of losing our needed esteem from those that keep us down. The only difference between a successful artist/entrepreneur/worker is the successful one doesn’t let you, yes you, stop them from trying.
So I continue the filming for another few months, stockpiling tapes, and I try to market the Demo tape and idea. This is a pure Oke Arke and Redneck for regular folk exercise tape. And it is good for the intended purpose. I send some to a select few and talk with several producers. Uh, I think some of those I talked with thought it was good, one said the copyright thing with the hundreds of songs on the tapes would be a legal nightmare. None of the personal delivered ones garnered a returned critique. Now I know that there are others, much more beautiful than I, that could make this a reality by staring in the tape and there are others less beautiful than I who understand the marketing thing. I’m out on both those counts.
Here is the creative part again. If you think for one minute to give some one a video tape of yourself, in your boxer shorts and no shirt at 255 pounds while semi dancing snapping and singing, while riding a exercise cycle is an easy thing to do. Well successful and unsuccessful folks know that it takes you so far out of your Comfort Zone that there is no longer a comfort zone. And since I had already lost mine whats to lose. I was enjoying myself, I believed in what I was doing and most certainly I believed what I was saying. I also knew that only those who don’t have that quit eating gene, nor the comfort zone for their overweight body would appreciate what this was,,,,,,,
and then all of a sudden, bang, I am into a legal fight with a lawyer in a top 100 law firm, a world class gold mining company and a bitch for a federal judge that can best be described as the Cruella De Vil of the court room. In our first conversation she tells me I am mistaken about what happened, and that I am taking up their time. Now I never been on Jury Duty or watched a civil case, oh sure OJ but thats TV. Been in front of a few judges to say guilty, but thats it I don’t know direct from exhibits. So for the next few month my life is nothing but playing catch up to the system. If you have ever been given a list of interrogatories in a civil case prior to being deposed you can understand. If not, the questions are in the same vane as a California Proposition, what are they asking!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have to be careful, even when you are telling the truth, an untruthful person can’t answer them, to difficult, (maybe some on that another time) Me I tell the judge, I ain’t answering them, I tell her "do what you have to do". I ain’t playing the game. She tells me its my game, I called it. The questions are redundant, unnecessary, they are designed to confuse and are stonewalling in nature. So the Judge backs down, and reads each and every thirty questions to me during a phone conference with the other attorney. I answer them and I have made an enemy. We have yet to go to court, bla bla bla.
Long about September we are done with the hearing and I am done with my post hearing brief. I send the 46 page transcripts to go with the four hour video of my post hearing brief. Ohhhhhhhhhh, I’m not so sure that the video was appreciated. It was the same length of my deposition by the "firm". I send the video because my hearing was a joke. Two days of everybody lying, the judge is leading all the witnesses to conclusions that benefits the big bad mine, no not sour grapes, ( maybe a little) this was unbelievable. The most important part of my questioning is met with a lie from a direct question from the most important witness that is at the hearing. During this the judge is making faces at me, yea making faces at me, that is where the Cruella thing comes in, such a contorted face. I say "your honor this is important, I am uncomfortable when you make those faces at me" She looks me in the eye and says "get over it" Now the verbatim record changes that to "well you will have to get over that discomfort" Man she was an ugly ass old bitch, with an attitude to match. Oh and my attitude it ain’t much better.
I am close to getting to that creative part again.
Ok I'm back. Right in the middle of me doing my brief, I read something in the paper a big ol article about the mines knowing they are being watched. Now I have to respond cause I'm into the Attorney Generals Office on this very issue, and I know that the mines know that they are not being watch and even if they are, they own the state. So I write my first letter to the editor, Editor and its the start of many. Now I'm beginning to think I am good at this writing thing and even if I'm not good, I am getting Balls.
Thats the creative part again, letting your detractors see your thoughts, even an unpopular opinion. I'm of the mind, hey someone has to speak up. How many times has someone said to you something that went straight against your moral, ethical and complete soul and you just said, "oh. me too". I have, bunches of times, and you know what you get for it, you get to belong to the group, well woopdy efing doo. The group is run by the best team player, a team player is anyone that says anything the rest will listen to as long as it keeps them the team leader and the rest of the team, team followers. Team followers are those that say, "oh, me too". So this 90's team mentality needs to be replaced by creativity. A case in point, the KKK, I would bet, based on most of the ( just groups, not KKK groups, I don't know any KKK groups) general groups I have been in contact with, that the majority are not racist they are followers that need community, at any or anyones cost. You can't tell me that over one thousand people wanted to die, Jim Jones, they just wanted to belong and not be creative to the point of getting killed.
Back to the non creative part. So I want to put this stuff I have been writing up on some type of bulletin board, cause the paper isn't printing all that I'm sending, they just want to print thank yous and stuff that the status quo has already blessed. So as you can see I lay out what I think is how it should be. Now I have laid out some private thoughts in this public forum, not the dark ones, those I keep to myself, If I don't act on them they are non issues and are just argue points, non productive. But I am not ashamed of 99% of what I've said or done, in my entire life. Though one percent can be big, but you understand. And once again I am not talking about those embaressing things. I don't know what people think cause I don't get responses, I am so into myself that I explain away the no response thing by saying no one wants to argue with the group. Never mind that the group is 90% team followers. Are you following this, if not, think about this.
Now I am really getting off the point But that is the creative part. As for the web site, I have to say that probably not too many people appreciate its premise and want to participate, at least they don't tell me about it. But there again that is part of it, read the rules. Talk to your neighbor, if you agree with me and say, "oh. me too", we may just be starting a team, and I ain't no team player. For me all this agreement gets in the way of being myself.
Oh man I have so much to say, but back to the creative part. After all this time I have finaly got my bike riding thing up on a Web cam. I tried to get it up a few years ago but couldn't get the tecno help. Luckily, I suppose, cause I'd probably be riding naked, thats where the money is. But nooooo, I missed the boom and I even got out of my boxers and I'm cursed with this only doing what I believe in thing. I'm not smart enough to get the music to go along, yet, and it is not whole until the music is with the ride. But gota start somewhere. So I have to go be creative for a bit.
Lets see, what is next. Oh yea, my wife and I bought this really old house 16 months ago, we hocked our world to do so, then borrowed against our future and it ain't working out so good. But if anyone cares to see the house check out, We have been told how lucky we were to get such a beautiful home. Uh, it didn't look like this before a years worth of work and 20 K. But I have to say, we were lucky to get such beautiful home. That home plays into this long ass write. See I'm hurrying up to wrap up cause I may go to work and if I do we may have the means to keep the home. So I'm pressured up here. Oh yea the ride.
So that is basically what I have been doing for the past almost four years. Only the fight against the big bad mine and city hall is ten fold above what I described. Also I try to leave my family out cause I have dragged them through my creative quest enough already.
Now the real creative part is being able to do this and as hard as its been, for me it has been worth it. Of course it takes money but money is only a credit card. This time has definately been an enlightening period. Sometimes there comes a time when you have to stop and look around. It would blow most peoples mind what they pass by every day. You just don't know what you don't know. In our pursuit of doing what the group says we are suppose to do, we become nothing more than a team follower. I understand that there is not room at the top for everyone but some of those at the top should be a little more attentive to those who put them there.
Much of what I have done during this period Analogies for Metaphoes can be described like how it feels to jump in the water from a high place. You want to see what its like but who would want to do something that is against your basic survivial instinct. You jump while closing your eyes, sticking your fingers in your ears and babbling, something like that.
As hard as it is sometimes, to be creative, you have to go, or you won't get there.
I'll be accepting analogies that debunk my thoughts. Words!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm working on it OK, art takes time.